So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
