honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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