You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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