Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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