And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
