So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
