I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
