hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
