im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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