oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it was like eating out sand paper
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
