Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
