my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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