If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
