Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
