I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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