But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
