Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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