Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
