You just made me feel so damn special
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
