So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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