It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
