At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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