shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
