No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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