Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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