Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just tell him i said nine months
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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