i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
