Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
