She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
