Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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