I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
