She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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