I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were trust falling into bushes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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