Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
