"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
