I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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