At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
