at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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