There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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