If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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