Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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