Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize