Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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