Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
