I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
