Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
