Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
