I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
