If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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