When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
