I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
