is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
