does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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