I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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