I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I supernannyed him into submission
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
