He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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