i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
