I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
