he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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