Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
