how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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