Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
did you just send me my own nude
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
