We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
