hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize