About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
