Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
