the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize