You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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