apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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