Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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