whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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