the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
