Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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