Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
