Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
