if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
