Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
